So yesterday (2nd of August) I tweeted about an upcoming personal post on twitter...
Well here it is guiseee!
Oh ma gawshhh.... the titleee...clueeee
Lately I've been overwhelming my friends with my gift of gab, waterfall, always running mouth about this, so I decided to take to my blog and shareeee!
Bit of background for those who don't know me, I am an opinionated Muslimah, desperately striving to find her way to her Maker in this crazy dunya.
So, back to the title...
What's the Niqaab Challenge, I hear you ask? Well in the spirit of Dr Doofenshmirtz (Phineas and Ferb), time for a background story.
I'm one of those people who feel they don't belong in a niqaab. I've always felt it was "extreme" and playfully call them "Ninjas"... yes, yes I can hear you already, I'm part of the problem.
I've sworn in the past that I'd never put one on again (never say never right?). In fact at some point I developed a small resentment towards it. Plus, the niqaab itself didn't want to be on me, it always seemed to try and choke me.
I felt/feel as though, I can't be myself with a niqaab on. 90% of my communication is done via my face. I'm VERY expressive. So this 'thing' would create a barrier between myself and the rest of the world, alienate me.
Lord knows, as a young, single, BLACK, muslim, WOMAN, I can't afford to be alienated anymore than I already am.
Well that's what I thought at least.
However, as time went by, and I started reading more, and striving for closeness with my Lord, there was one topic I still would not read about. To be honest, I was afraid that if I read and became convinced, I still would not want to wear it. To know and not do, is a far greater sin than to not know and not do. Ignorance is bliss.
Are you starting to see where I was going wrong lol?
So what changed my mind?
Well, a number of things. However the most important being Ramadhan in the UAE. Ramadhan had me feeling a new type of love for my religion, standing in prayer every night, fasting as a community, surrounded by muslims, and the beautiful recitation of Idrees Abkr. It was an atmosphere I pray I experience yearly.
One night, after the most beautiful du'a, I remember being overcome with emotion, this immense feeling of gratitude and humility washed over me. I just couldn't fathom how Allah could keep forgiving and forgiving me, when I just go back to the tun up so easily. Literally, almost every du'a I had made, Allah had answered. I felt like I was half the muslim I could be, and yet here I am, blessed.
Lol, my bestie can testify, I was garnnnnn! We sat after the prayer and just made du'a for like 20 mins. #BestieGoals
That was the catalyst that spurred the "I need to be better, like now" change. Jannah was no longer enough anymore, I now want Firdaws, but more so, I want to meet my Lord, reside as close to His Throne as I can. I want to be amongst those who gain His Pleasure, the chosen. Those whom the Angels constantly surround. I want to be covered in his Nur (Ameen).
So, here I am, questioning myself. Is dislike of the niqaab really a big enough reason to potentially lose Firdaws?
Trust me, I even prayed for Allah to give me something that will be a constant reminder and imaan boost like a niqaab, but not a niqaab, y'know like a tasbih bracelet or something. lol thats how not on it I am.