Alhamdulillah, lately I've been very aware of my blessings.
I'm not talking about, laughing straight to the bank blessings. I'm not monetarily rich, with Ferraris, and Louboutins lol. Neither am I what I think a lot of us have been led to believe as successful.
I mean, I'm 21 approx (#Forever21) with no life plan, and no clue about what I'm doing, or where I'm headed. Traditionally that's a recipe for disaster. (Alhamdulillah for tawakkul aye)
What I really mean are the everyday blessings, that I've been taking for granted. The blessings I've come to expect as my minimum standard of living. SubhanAllah, I believe it was Yusuf Jha that said, "If you're going to sin, sin where Allah SWT won't see you, sin with something He did not give you." That statement stuck with me, everything truly belongs to Allah SWT, and it's by His mercy I get to wake up each day, but not only do I wake up, my organs function, my legs walk, and I have my health.
So now I'm left with this burning question...
"How do I do better?"
"What can I do to make me worth even a fraction of His mercy?"
Have I ever told you how much of an over thinker I am? I have been pondering this question for several weeks now. Not only am I an over thinker, I'm an over planner lol. So each answer I come up with, I analyse. I don't want to start something to stop. What if it's really really hard for me, and I'm doing too much? Pushing myself too hard? What if I don't really change? subhanAllah... this is what my mind does. Thinks and thinks, till I'm overwhelmed and give up.
Even a simple post can send me into a thinking cycle, "should I have shared that?" "Am I showing off?" "Are my intentions sincere?". SubhanAllah everyday I'm tempted to go into hiding altogether for fear of doing something out of pride, anger or arrogance.
However I've come to realise, overthinking is a good thing, as well as bad. I'm constantly checking myself, which means when I do feel like "oo, that was kinda shady", I can repent and make amends. I've come to realise my overthinking is a blessing from Allah SWT too.
**look at me veering off. k, journey into my mind over lol**
So, how do I do better? How do I become worthy of these blessings?
Well, after weeks of thinking, I've finally come up with an answer...
...SOZ, BOO. THERE'S NO ANSWER!
Lol, well there's no, one answer to be precise. I was looking for a get out of jail free card, a quick trick for success recipe. Y'know one of those pop ups you get on your laptop "Do you want to earn $10,000 without leaving your house"... yhh, I was searching for one of those.
So then, how do I become worthy of Allahs SWT mercy?
By making my today better than yesterday. I've been so focussed on working out a lifelong plan, then a 30 day Ramadhan plan, that I disregarded the fact that death could come at any time. The only thing I control is the moment I am in, the past is gone, the future has yet to arrive.
I'm using control loosely, y'all already know it's Oga (boss) at the top, truly in control!
So my doing better plan, is to do my very best every second of every day, and though I probably will flop 80% of the time (I'm no angel), I hope to repent each time.
So m'luvs, my Ramadhan reflection is to utilise each day. It's not a race, Ramadhan is not (just) about how many times you read the Quran, or how many Hadiths you memorised. It's about the habits you develop, the lessons you learn, the bond you strengthen between you and your Rabb.
Focus on yourself, love yourself enough to truly work hard at reaping the rewards of this month. 'Cos boo no-one with you here today is going to intercede for you on the day of judgement.
The wudhu you do for salaah will light up your limbs and the Quran you recite will intercede for you. So, be selfish in your work for Jannah, be generous with your kindness, feed a fasting person, forgive those who have wronged you, free your heart of its burdens. Do it all for the love of Allah, and for the garden which He has promised us. Most of all, talk to Allah SWT! Do not let a day go by, without a du'a or two.
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