So here's the thing...
The best decision I ever made was quitting my job after uni...
It wasn't the most conventional thing to do, because it meant I was out of work and "wandering aimlessly" through life.
Everybody kept telling me "reduce your hours, you don't have to quit" but I was like "nah b. I'm miserable, and I don't want to be less miserable. I don't want to be miserable at all" *boom* *drops mic*
Anywhoos, 9 months later, several breakdowns, several "Omdz what's the meaning of my life" later... I'm here. I'm finally seeing the blessings and the wisdom in my choices (led by God, of course). I'm finally seeing Gods work, and I'm so grateful, fighting tears grateful, anybody who comes within spitting difference "come, sit down, lemme tell you about Gods power" grateful. I'm that one friend who's always got a sermon ready, to think I used to secretly side eye them, like "Omo, a beg you no tire, we get now"
People still don't understand my decision, or any of my other choices. Many people are still trying to quantify my success, they're looking for monetary growth. But what they don't understand is, my success is within, I'm filled with success. Bet your'e wondering what my success is, seeing as I'm still 'Boss Man' of #TeamPoverty.
So, let me tell you about my life prior to my success. I worked, studied and was the eldest child in a Nigerian household. You already know that last one was WERK! Work made it difficult for me to pray, so my prayer would either be rushed or late. I'd be shattered when I got home, so my Isha would be rushed/distracted. Only prayer I ever enjoyed was Fajr. So how could I live a God blessed life, when I was struggling to talk to him. Let's not even talk about Tahajjud, or concentration to read Quran.
I know some of y'all might be like "what's her own, I do double that and get ish done". Well I'm captain of #TeamBummy, and to be honest, I was one of those "Well I pray 5x a day, so I'm muslim enough" kinda gals. I just wasn't seeing the problem, I felt I was doing enough. Something very easy to slip into when you're the most "religious" person out of your friends, colleagues, associates. I'm sure we've all felt "Mozlem" at some point. Can't go to the pub with the work lot after a shift because "you're mozlem". Can't attend your mates birthday party because "you're mozlem". Can't even shoki at Alhajas 50th because you're "mozlem" amongst some muslims.
Religion somehow became second to everything else, Uni came first, when i'm at work, work comes first, when I got home, sleep came first. Uni, Work, and God. Everything felt like a chore. I thought once uni was done it'd all get better. But honestly, after 3 years of uni and 4 years of work, I was drained. And this lifestyle had become a habit difficult to kick.
So I knew I needed to do something drastic. I think God did it tbh. In hindsight me going into graduate work straight after uni was probably going to take me further away from God, more "you're Mozlem" situations to manoeuvre through.
Sometimes you have to veer off the designated path to find your path. I was so set on work, marriage, kids, picket fence house that I never took time to check up on my Lord. I just assumed he'd always be there, I'd always be "muslim enough". However if there's one thing I've learnt on this journey, it's the more you chase this dunya, the further you get from your Lord.
Turns out removing myself from the conventional path, was me saving myself.
Do you see my success now? In planning my new path, I analysed where I'd been, and thought about where I wanted to go (Jannah). I prayed to God to guide me, to give me what's best, to remove whatever will take me away from the right path. I swear to you, just like every other testimony, He answered. I notice the more God centred I became the more sense life started to make. Like, I still have't got the mercedes I prayed for, but when I say my patience levels have gone up, my skins all on fleek (cos I pray about erthang now, from God help me with my squats, to God forgive my sins, overlook my flaws and grant me the highest station in heaven. 0-100, joss like that). New Nimz is calm, self-confident, she even handles rejection a lot better. I have this, "well that clearly wasn't in Gods plan, so no vex" attitude.
Don't get me wrong, I still have my breakdowns (perks of being an over-thinker). But my lows, are never longer than a few hours. When I see myself going cray, I book in Tahajjud for the next day and keep it pushing.
God's my bestie now, and it's awesome!
The greatest love story; My Rabb (lord) and I.